A year has gone by since my last post. Funny because reading through my old posts, it doesn't seem so long ago... hm. I guess a lot has changed... but last summer seems close behind me... I suppose it always will.

I hope everyone has had a good year... don't have much else to say... with love...

I feel like dancing when I think of you.

Thanks for being careful with my heart. You can't imagine what it means to me.

"I love you" just doesn't really say it. I'm glad we're trying. Maybe we'll get it right.

               *crosses fingers*

Anyways, I can't sleep right now because my mom left, and it woke me up, and now that I'm awake, I want to think about him. Mostly I want to talk to him, but it's now 3:38 and I missed the deadline a few hours ago, lol.

I dunno if it would be wise to broadcast everything, but I don't know if I can help it. So, yeah.

Work's been going well. Willy and Beatle Bailey decided I was the Cement Plant Princess. My dad chewed out some guy. I finished putting saftely pins on the air hose clamps (yeah, that must make a whole lotta sensem, lol). And right now I'm doing inventory in the shop, and it's hot as crap in there, but I think Mark's gonna find me a fan. I love my job sooooo much!

Tonight I was supposed to call Dessy, and supposed to call Cory back, but I fell asleep without meaning to, lol. I dunno WHY I was so tired! lol. (exhasperation mixed with sarcasm, if you missed that, lol)

So, I'm gonna hit the sack now... I love him truely and deeply, and he makes me feel safe. And we've only been going out for 27 hours, lol. hmmm.

Laura Lynn

Sooooo tired. You can't even imagine. Blah. Tonight I'm gonna get enough sleep so I'm in a hyper mood tomorrow, because ppl tend to like me better when I'm not half asleep, lol.

Yup. Today was fun. The guys my age are being less jerkish. Not that it matters because I still think they're idiots. And I stuck my tongue out at the "friendly stranger" of mine (lol) again. All righ. But I'm gonna go take a shower, and relax, because my body hurts. Hope y'all are doing well.

Laura

PS: Jealousy sucks... lol. But it's not such a big deal. I need to talk to my Lexi, but I have to wait til the wknd... or at least until my parents aren't around. K, well, I'm done.

It hurts sometimes. I don't know if trust is the wisest thing to go handing out. I just don't know... about any of this. I want an easy answer. Simply yes or no. Simply try or give it up. And part of me doesn't even have a choice... it's automatic, like it always has been. I'm a trusting person by nature. But the other part is wary. Because of a million reasons. But it hurts sooo bad sometimes. Just the knowing. Just the wanting. And now it's okay. And I feel a little like before. But something's still wrong. I want comfort and a steady hand. I want security... but I don't know. I don't know if what I think is real, or if it's all just the same game I've always been roped into playing. And a million pretty words could sooth me for a while, but the look in a person's eyes says it all. Lust and love are similar sights in a innocent eye. But now I see the difference. And wanting trust and deserving trust are the same way. And the innocence in my doesn't care, or want to know. But the part that's lived the last half a year and seen ppl's sickening cruelty and my own disgusting capabilities wants the truth... no matter what that means. But the hurt feels good on my innocence. At least it's something. It's no longer pretending. I'm scared of myself. And I'm scared of what could happen, and I just wish it was easy. That's all. Easy to be innocent when you're not. Easy to trust people when all of them, at some point or another, has tried to hurt you. Easy to believe your own judgement, when you know you've screwed up so badly in the past. And this is much ado about nothing, but if you don't like it, don't read it, because I needed to write it. I cried the other night for the first time in about 8 months, and you can't image how good it felt. I've had so many reasons to cry, but I just put them away for future reference... I thougth they'd slip away... or something.

And I wish all of you would stay innocent, too. It's easy to trust the innocent. At least you know they don't want to hurt you. Or at least one hopes.

Laura Lynn

PS: Sorry this was sooooo long. I have a lot of thoughts I need to relay off of someone, or something, lol. Kicked an elevator today... it still didn't work, tho. Too bad. 400 ft's a long way up, lol.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol... that felt good. I have a lot of things to say, but they would be dumb because only a few ppl would understand and most of them wouldn't care. So. Yup.

Laura

PS: I know, I know. This was a painfully strange post, lol.

PSS: I hope you don't think I'm done, because I tried to make everyone think I was, but I can't be, and never could be, and if only I wasn't alone in my thought process... if only. And it's not like I can just go back to how it was, because I'm not exactly the same, and I can't deal with all of the things I used to. But I want a piece back. So, I don't think this makes any sense, and I'm not sure I want it to because it seems awefully bold to me. So, that's all for now.